A Modest Proposal

In this essay by Jonathan Swift, he proposes that the infants of Ireland be sold for consumption throughout the land to control the population, prevent starvation, and to help the economy flourish. The author is an Anglican, or of the church of England, is an upperclassman, and is very harsh towards Catholics, or papists as he refers to them. He figures that if families sell their children then they can make enough money to keep their families alive, and the food from the babies can be enjoyed by the upper class of society. The children being consumed are only 1 year olds because they are the "most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled..." at that age. He knows this because an American friend of his told him, and since he is an American he must be very knowledgeable. This is making fun of the fact that many foreigners think America is such a knowledgeable country. Also, the children consumed would be mainly male because they need to keep the females alive in order to continue breeding. He offers the readers ways to prepare the children (fricassee or a ragout), as if it will wet our appetite, and this is the first time when the reader could actually take this essay seriously. Throughout the story, he scientifically accounts for the amount of children will be consumed each year and how it will effect the economy. Any logical explanation against this proposal is simply thrown aside by the author because it seems absurd to him that people would not agree with him. It turns out that he is very biased in this account by the fact that he has no children. If he had any children than he might have found this proposal very absurd and outrageous. I found this very funny by obviously Swift did not agree with the proposal he wrote about. I assume that Swift is very opposed to the English rule over Ireland because he said that England would eat all of Ireland if they'd the chance. Also, he does not like the fact that the large landowners have so much power. He believes in giving the lower class citizens more power and taking the power away from the ruling class. Overall, this is one of the better satires I've read.

MLB Promises Next Season Will Be Even More Predictable

This article is about the upcoming baseball season and how it is bound to be as boring and predictable as it always is. It plays fun at the fact that baseball basically sends the same 7 teams or so to the playoffs each year (New York, Boston, Atlanta, etc.), basically the same players put up big numbers each year, and that the same teams get to spend the most money each year. It makes it seem that the league is very happy with it's present state according to the commissioner and various managers. This article is very funny because it shows that if you look at the MLB very closely, it turns out to be a big joke. Not every team gets the same opportunities as others do, and this fact is often overlooked. This article is Horation Satire because it is a playful beating of MLB and it's customs rather than harsh criticisms. A couple of quotes really stuck to me and made me laugh. "Lee, Ramirez, Zambrano, Jones, Hernandez," Selig said. "Players with those names alone will account for a combined 247 home runs and a total of 92 wins." This is said for the fact the primarily foreign players are backing an American made sport and that you always see the same names putting up big numbers. "Ken Griffey Jr. will tear a hamstring within the first week of the season. "There is no harbinger of spring quite like the sight of Junior writhing in pain on the outfield grass after a routine play," Selig said. This is particularly funny because it seems that Griffey gets injured every year with the same injury and it seems that without his regular injury, baseball can not go on. This was probably one of the best articles I've read in a while and it has officially turned me into an Onion reader.

If I was enrolled in the army, which is very unlikely, I would carry my hat. It is my most prized possession and I always have it with me. I guess you could say that I have OCD in that respect. I don't think I have washed it in over a year because I think that it gives me good look in tennis matches. I guess if I brought it into Iraq, then it would give me the luck of not dying. My hat has sweat streaks that have discolored it and that shows how hard I've worked while wearing the hat. It would make me want to work harder in the army if I had the hat with me. Finally it would make me feel comfortable and I would not worry about the war as much. Another thing I would carry is a picture of my family. It would guarantee that they would always stay in my heart and it would make me worry less about them.